i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
