hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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