Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
