Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
