I'm jealous of your bromance
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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