oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
