Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
