my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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