I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
