hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
