??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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