The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
