If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
