That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
