allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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