Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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