i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
