my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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