i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
