Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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