Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
