i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
