butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
