Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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