If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
