we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How external is "for external use only"?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize