Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
