She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
