The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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