i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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