Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
