Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
