And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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