Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Enjoy the penises
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize