Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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