his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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