I can tuck mytits in my pants
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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