I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
