i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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