And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
