i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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