you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
