Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
