So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize