hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
