just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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