remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
