am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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