Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
