Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
