Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
