Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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