I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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