I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
