i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
