i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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