I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
