She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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