Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
