I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize