fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
