does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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